Smile!

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. Smile and be happy. Remember that one persons whole day can be made better because of you.

Are they not the cutest in the world

Robert is coming home!

Well the past few days have been crazy. Robert was supposed to leave Sunday to go commercial fishing. When we got to the airport Sunday morning they said the ticket wasn't paid for. So we went back home. Then it turns out it was a glitch on behalf of Alaska airlines. So he was put on a flight for 7:30pm that night. So back to the airport he went. I cried twice in one day. Then I awaited for his last few calls before he would be leaving to go from Anchorage to Dutch Harbor. He then called me late last night(Monday) to say he was on his way home. The weather is so bad in Dutch Harbor the plane couldn't land. The boat he was to be on. Couldn't wait for him. So he is now on his way home. I am happy about this because in the last day and a half I have felt so empty with out him. He has a job interview for Friday so he will be able to stay home with his family. So I am going tonight at 8pm to pick him up at the Spokane airport. YAY. Last night was nice I got to see the pictures that my BFF took of my kids while she was here. They turned out great. You can see them at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=397307149 Enjoy!

Thanks for reading today:)

Morgan and the dryer

Look at this.. our new washer and dryer, and Morgna was so in amazement with the dryer going around and around. It was to cute to pass up not taking a picture.

Field fires in Rathdrum Idaho. I am so lucky!

I have never seen first hand or been near a wild fire. Today on my way home from work I got off the freeway and was heading up the side highway leading to my home. I got onto the highway and right away see smoke. I called Robert to see if he could see it. There was lots of it. I didn't know for sure where it was. I was ot find out so soon. It was two lights from my house. On each side of the highway are hay/wheat/ and alfalfa feilds. On the left, there where about 4 feilds on fire. The fire was right up to the highway road. I just wanted to get home. The left side of my face was burning, and it took a good ten minutes to get past it. I was worried I was gonna be stuck in a big traffic jam, and left next to a fire that was so close to jumping the highway. Like I said I wasn't there but ten minutes and before I knew it I was home. I am so thankful for the fire department here, they where able to get out the massive fire and prevent it from spreading to far. I am so lucky and hugged my kids a little tighter tonight.

This is so funny.

http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b308/jnjhimelrick/?action=view¤t=08-07-08_2038.flv

Yea I am just PISSED

I am really upset I don't have a side kick and T-mobile said I don't but the webiste saying all I have been charged for that I do. hmmmmm and that I am not being charged but I am being charged and it got taken from my account. Now I have to make copies of everything and prove it. I am so pissed.

My BFF Crystal takes awesome pics. Here are soem she sent me.

part 2

So due to very high winds and possible rain the day prior to my wedding, we had to get to my mother in laws house(where we where having the wedding) to set up. It was crazy. I was stressed to the max setting everything up. Around 11:30am I went upstairs to get my dress on. I was stressed about that too. Only having tried it on once and it need alterations. I put this girdle thing on under my dress and could hardly breath and my boobs where being hugged so tight they looked like they might burst but the dress did manage to fit. As long as I didn't breath. I couldn't sit either it was rather funny. So I got a few pictures taken (will arrive later) of my future mother in law putting my veil on which she made. It was a nice bonding moment. I loved the veil it is so pretty. She did a great job. Alas I looked like a bride.

I started to get worried because it was a quarter till game time and there was hardly anyone there. I could feel tears well up in my eyes. I went all out for everyone to have a nice time and no one was showing up. I started feeling very sorry for myself. Then I looked around the room. Not to say that the people who didn't show up are not important, but the ones who did show up, are the ones who wouldn't have missed this day for the world. Then I said I don't care lets have a great day regardless. So we got all ready and about 1:15pm My little man and I made our way down the isle. In front of us was my daughter who felt bad for making a mess with the flowers and was picking them up. It was very cute.

After wards everyone migrated over to the cake and we did the traditional feeding of the cake. It was all nice and cute to start. Then everyone was all "do it, shove it in the face" and before I knew it. This happened.

I had to spit out what was in my mouth cause I had cake so far up my nose I couldn't breath. We where laughing so hard about it. We went up to the bathroom and got cleaned up and came back down to be with our guests. So there as a lot of mingling. Then people slowly started to leave, and a few family was left. We had a nice time just sitting around talking and enjoying ourselves. It was a day I will never forget. Thanks everyone.

Wedding story part 1

At about 3 am the morning of my wedding I had half woken up to look at the clock. Feeling like a child who is going to Disney land or waiting for Santa to come. My heart started pounding so hard I couldn't hardly stand it. I thought for sure I was going to be sick. I did some deep breathing and tried to go back to sleep. I woke back up at 6:30am. I got all dressed and headed to wal-mart to get my wedding cake. The cake was prepaid for a month ago, and the reason I went there is I am not a fondant fan and the lady who does the cakes is amazing. So I show up at wal-mart and I say "hello, I am here to pick up my wedding cake" Three ladies rush to the back and bring out my cake in two sections. My high expectations and hope quickly turned to disappointment. I held back tears and let them know that I was not happy. I had given her free reign to do what ever she wanted and this was it? She said they tried to call me but the phone number was disconnected. Yes it was BUT I had been there twice regarding that bakery and not once did she say anything to me. So in my eyes that is not gonna cut it. However I thought to myself there are worse things in this world then a poorly decorated cake and to get over it. I bought some roses to jazz it up. (here is a picture of it seconds before the cake feel apart. ) I think after I added the roses I likes it a lot better. Well that is part one of my wedding story. more to come later.

We got married.

Today was an amazing day. I am so tired so I am gonna head to bed but I promise a blog to tell all about it.

-JONI-

I will never forget that day!

LilyannhOwen

Morgan

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I remember after I attempted the first breast feed with lily that they told me I couldn't leave the room to go to the post partum room until I had peed once, and could take a shower. All I wanted to do was sit there and look at my baby. So my goal was no matter how hard it was I was going to hurry up and do this so I could ogle over the prettiest baby girl in the world. my first mission to pee. in any other situation getting up to pee would have been no big deal. However, I had JUST had a baby, so my body was still numb in places, and I was not aware how bad my tear inside was. I had no idea how much my skin had stretched to get this baby out. My feet where triple their normal size they where so big that they didn't fit the slippers I had brought with me. With the help of the nurse I walked to the bathroom. Every step was torture, I felt like I was going to fall over, I felt like all the blood that was left in my body was rushing to my head. What little room in my brain to think was rushing back to be with Lily, who was with her daddy and I was jealous that he was feeling just fine while I couldn't see her till I peed and showered. SO UNFAIR. I figured well the faster I go the faster I can see her. So I went and made the long decline down. Its weird how your butt knows that your on a toilet. Its like second nature your body will go instantly go. I wasn't ready for my body to just start peeing. It burned so bad. I cried my eyes out. How in the world was this fair, I have 9 months of pregnancy, I have 20 hours of labor, 35 minutes of pushing, and tearing, and bleeding and NOW, it burns like the worst pain ever when I pee. It wasn't no little spurt spurt of pee either it was, a long time, because I was on IV's and my cathider had come out long ago. I prayed it would be done with soon, and I could shower. I begged my nurse to not leave me. She assured me she wouldn't and I made my final hurdle a good one. I walked over to the shower, stripped down to my birthday suit, got in the shower, and just stood there under the water. I watched blood go down the drain and a wave of emotion hit me. I had just had a baby, and I went though to get her was like I had said worth it. All that it took to get this far was at the time unbearable, but now seems so off in the distance and I couldn't at that moment remember even how bad it felt to pee, because I was so close to getting back to my baby. I didn't shampoo my hair, I rubbed soap every where on my hair and was scared to wash (down there) in certain places. Somehow I managed. I got all dried up and dressed in a new gown and went to my new room where my husband and baby where waiting for me. They say let the nurses take your baby sometimes so you can get rest, or to sleep when your baby sleeps, I was in there two more days after having her, and I hardly slept at all. I couldn't sleep with out her, and I couldn't sleep because she was so pretty and so wonderful, I didn't want to miss anything. I would stare for hours. She was the most amazing little being I had ever seen in my life.

Fast forward to today:
Since Lilyanah I have had two more kids and it just goes to show you how much a mothers love forgets pain, and she is willing to do it all over again. My second child Owen taight me how to be open to change and new things, and want to be a better person. Because of Morgan I found out I was in the early stages of cervical cancer and it was so early that a simple proceedure took care of it. All my babies have saved my life in one way or another. They saved me from who I could have become, who I was becoming and turned me into something I am proud of............... a mother.

Working full time and missing my babies

Are these not the cutest kids you have ever seen? Its almost sick!

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Growing up so fast, I think I need to vent and let some feelings out. I don't really have anyone to tell this to with out sounding weird or dumb. With my oldest Lily, I was a single mom the first year of her life. We co-slept, co-bathed, co- everything. We where two peas in a pod. I actually thought I would only be her mother and no other children for the rest of our lives. Truthfully I was content with that, I had always wanted 3 or 4. However if god only gave me Lily I would be happy with her as my gift. I clung to every minute of her for I did feel she was my one and only first and last baby. At the age of one, she was already so progressed that she couldn't be in a crib for she would climb out. So lily got a toddler bed and would do well with sleeping in it, but would climb in bed with me some time through out the night. It took time but I weaned her from that. Well love is a silly thing and cupid reunited me with an old flame and we knew right away that we where going to spend our lives together. With out being lily's father and ever knowing her before hand. He jumped right into place and they connected right away. What else connected? The cycle of my second pregnancy. We where thrilled, and secretly so was I. I thought what a blessing. I would at least have two children. Right away we learned it was a boy. I was going to have my daughter and now my son. Owen made his way into my life with immediate medical needs. I never left his side, the second picture of us together I am rubbing his back in the NICU. He was a mama's boy from the word go. However Robert had different wants and needs when it came to being a parent. Co-sleeping not one of them. However I breast fed Owen as long as I could as a reason to keep my baby near me. Before I could even think about birth control I was pregnant again. This man hardly looks at me and I get pregnant. So I thought ok, well Owen is done breast feeding I will wean him from me and I still have one more baby to have this close physical bond with. I don't know if this make some a weirdo or not, but the smell of their skin, the warmth that radiates from them, their soft flesh, the fact they need you, and that my heart physically ached being away from them. It was sort of an addiction so to speak. I loved my children so much, and I felt like I was missing out, if they where not right here with me. Well Robert was firm about wanting his bed back this time and so Morgan was in a bassinet and then to a crib, I managed to get him to let her at least sleep in our room. Well, when I stopped breast feeding her, I felt so depressed, and then the time came where we moved into a nice three bedroom and Robert said Morgan needs to sleep in her own room. So we moved her crib out of our room. I have to say ladies, I know she is right across the hall but I miss her, I feel like she is so far away. I cannot truly put in to words how this makes me feel. Now I have gone back to work and I don't see to much of any of my kids. When I come home at night its right before bed time and my oldest daughter (she's 3 now) and son greet me at the door and Lily says mommy you came back. It hurts to hear her say that. My son hugs my legs so tight. My youngest Morgan is smiling away at me in her swing, and I feel like I am missing out. I know we have chosen to have one more in like 3 or so years, but for now these are my babies and I don't know how to savor them. I try to spend every moment with them when I am home and on my days off. Do you find yourself ever feeling this way? Am I alone? Or is this weird? Anyhow that was my long drawn out blog entry. I guess in a nut shell I knew I was always going to be a mother and I don't think I have ever been happier in my life. I wish I could bottle them up and take them with me to work. Being a SAHM is not an option right now. I have faith that maybe just maybe it will be soon. I have sent up some prayers, and we shall see what happens in the months a head.
Joni

The night before my wedding

So today is the day before my wedding. I am so excited. We have been planning this for what feels like forever. Yesterday a long time best friend drove from Utah to Washington/Idaho to be a big part of my wedding. She is my photographer. She came by yesterday and did a one on one session in my home of my kids, and even a few with Robert and I. I cannot wait to see them. She is a great photographer. Then today we went to Roberts mothers house where the wedding is going to be held and started to set up for tomorrow. It was a great bonding time with the family. I love these people who have taken me into their family like I have always been there. My future father in law is a riot and I have a relationship with him that no one else does and I am glad we can give each other a hard time. My mother in law is making my dress or redoing a dress that was used (made by her) for my sister in laws prom dress. It is a purple color (my wedding color) and she made the prettiest veil. I cannot wait to show off pictures. Robert put together our archway, and we decorated it together. Tomorrow morning I will be picking up my cake, and getting everything set up and then saying "I DO" at 1pm. My daughter Lily is spending the night for the first time at grandma's tonight. She is taking all three kids tomorrow night. I am thrilled. Robert and I are going to go to a movie, sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 and then out for a couple drinks but more so just spend time with each other and have one morning to sleep in. So I will update when I can on how the wedding went and pictures will follow. When I get them you will too. I won't get them till the middle of next week. Alrighty, I have some nail painting to do. Thanks for reading.

Joni